My Story

I went to my normal prenatal appointment on Monday, July 20th, 2020, to get my cervix checked, and no dilation was happening; my cervix was closed, and I hadn’t experienced any contractions. My due date was July 28th, 2020. My doctor put me on evening primrose to help soften up the cervix, and by Friday the 24th, something was finally happening. By 6 pm, they were coming in mildly. I tried walking and soaking in a hot bath, but they just kept coming. My water hadn’t broken, but I started to bleed lightly. Is it Time?! I called the doctor's office to inform them what was going on. They gave me the choice to wait it out or come in. My motherly instincts told me to go in, and if they send me home, oh well. I went to the hospital and got all checked in. They hooked me up to the monitors and informed me they would be keeping me. I was 2 centimeters dilated, but every time I had a contraction, my baby boy's heart rate would drop. They gave me some medication to stop the contractions and to help stop his heart rate from dropping. I tried to remain calm, and I could tell the nurses were trying as well, but shortly after, they attempted to break my water. I was in so much pain and unable to get an epidural.  I was rushed to get prepped for an emergency C-section. No one could go back with me, so it was just me, Jesus, and my amazing medical team. Still trying to remain calm, the nurses prepped me, and the last thing I remember before I was put to sleep was “you’ll be meeting your baby boy very soon.” I went under with the hopes of waking up, seeing my precious baby boy, and beginning the journey of motherhood officially.

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When I woke up, I was surrounded by family, but no one was smiling. The nurse informed me that my son didn’t even get to take his first breath outside the womb. Immediately after they delivered him, they began to resuscitate him, but the meconium fluid was extremely thick in his lungs. Meconium is a newborn baby's first stool, a dark green to black, thick, sticky, tar-like substance composed of intestinal cells, fats, and bile that typically passes in the first few days after birth. It forms in the womb from swallowed amniotic fluid and other substances. While normal, if meconium is released into the amniotic fluid before birth and then inhaled by the baby, it can cause a serious condition called meconium aspiration syndrome (MAS), leading to breathing problems and a need for respiratory support.

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Ezra Nehemiah Born July 24th, 11:33 pm- Went to heaven July 25th, 12:24 am. He was gone before then, but that was the official call time. My baby boy was dead, gone to heaven. I never got to hear his voice, see his eyes, or feel the warmth of his body against my skin. They brought him in, and I was able to hold him close. His body was cold, but he appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Swaddled in blankets, I slowly unwrapped him to examine his beauty. HE WAS PERFECT!

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Because of this tragic event, I have met some amazing women who share in this suffering. The fact that Ezra was my first and only child made it hard to celebrate Mother’s Day, so I decided to honor mothers who have lost children and make them feel special and seen on their day. Bereaved Mother’s Day is the first Sunday of May. I started the Bereaved Mother’s Day Gathering, where we honor the moms who are now a part of this lifelong tribe. In honor of Ezra, I also plan to host Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Conferences and support bereaved mothers and families in their journey of grief.

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Losing a child is one of the most heartbreaking experiences any parent can face, and I believe it is crucial to provide a supportive and comforting environment for bereaved mothers during this difficult time. Our events aim to bring together bereaved mothers and families for a day of remembrance, healing, and solidarity, helping them feel supported and cared for during what is a very tragic life event.